


Trust in Remus

by Pugstabula (pugstabula)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Lily & Remus are bros, Minor Character Death (Mentioned), The Mauraders, one long chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 10:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13432992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pugstabula/pseuds/Pugstabula
Summary: Lily wants to believe in the ones she loves. But in times of war, she can't help but begin to lose faith in even one of her closest friends.





	Trust in Remus

**Author's Note:**

> I have a very soft spot for Lily and Remus friendship and I love exploring/writing/reading stuff like this. I tried to keep this quite close to the books, but of course, I am not JKR so some liberties (See: mistakes) were taken in writing.  
> Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Lily was hunched over strategical plans for The Order when Remus apparated with a CRACK into the kitchen. She was surrounded by worn out pages of parchment, filled with complex moving diagrams and her neat scrawl, the heavy August heat suffocating her. Despite being in a tank top and shorts she was uncomfortably aware of the sweat dripping slowly down her back, dampening her fiery hair. The spinning fan, lazily circling above her head did nothing to cool her down. Despite the heat Remus was still dressed in his thick, worn-out trench coat, once grey but now turned a mouldy green. He was sickeningly pale, and the purple bruising under his eyes gave him the appearance of someone almost twice his age.

 Compared to the relatively bright kitchen, that Lily had insisted be painted an obnoxious yellow despite her husband James protests, Remus looked almost comically bland. In the dark times of war that surrounded them Lily had been determined that her and James’ home ‘exuded positivity’. When they first moved in over a year ago Lily had spent hours filling their house with light, cheery pictures and cosy furniture. She had created their own personal bubble in which they could raise their son, Harry, away from the violence and fear that afflicted the wizarding world. Remus sombre appearance and stooped shoulders only seemed to make Lily’s attempt seem pathetic. Bright walls couldn’t erase the war outside.  

Like all his previous visits to Godric Hollow Remus had sent his patronus ahead to inform her of his arrival, but like every time before Lily still jumped out of her chair, pointing her wand unwaveringly at the man before her.

“Where were we when I told you about my furry little problem?” Remus said in greeting, remaining rigidly against the wall furthest from Lily with his wand outstretched towards her, awaiting her reply.

“1st floor girl’s bathroom.” The words had become a routine and had long since lost any humour they once held, but t she though she still detected a slight glimmer of humour in Remus’ eye. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. “What book of mine did you lose in 4th year?”

“Unfogging the unfoggable for the foggiest of minds.” At this they both relax, and Lily stood to meet Remus in the middle of the room to pull him down for a tight hug. He feels frailer each time they meet, and Lily can’t help the pang of worry in her gut that she is watching her friend waste away before her eyes.

Remus took a seat at the wooden table, eyes roaming over the multiple pictures of Harry in various moods on the fridge, eyes resting briefly of one of him and the rest of the Marauders, before flickering over the pages of strategy that Lily had spent hours working. His fingers playing with the string on a loose button of his coat.

“Let me get you something to drink Remus. Pumpkin juice? Bathilda Bagshot brought some banana bread round if you fancy gluing your mouth shut.” Lily asks as she collects the strewn papers into a pile preventing Remus from getting a proper look at them. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, but ever since Dumbledore had raised suspicions that there was a mole amongst the Order who had been feeding information to Voldemort’s death eaters, Lily had been feeling increasingly paranoid. She couldn’t help but feel that anyone could have been swayed by Voldemort’s hateful rhetoric. It certainly didn’t help that Lily saw Remus infrequently due to his undercover placement deep in underground werewolf hideouts. Each time she saw him she felt the old Remus she was once familiar with was getting further and further away.

Remus shook his head, staring a hole into the pile of papers in Lily’s arms. “Is that work for The Order?” He didn’t wait for her reply, already knowing the answer. “Dumbledore finally allowed you to get involved with some missions then?”

Lily placed the papers into her bag on the kitchen counter and silently charmed it closed.

“Yeah, finally. I was beginning to go a bit stir-crazy reading what’s going on in the Daily Prophet without being able to do anything to help.  At least now it feels like I’m actually doing.” She said as she sat down opposite Remus. “What about you? Have you made any progress yet?”

Remus leaned back into his chair with a deep sigh. “Feels like I’m moving through devil’s snare. Every time I think I’ve made a breakthrough, convincing a group to fight with Dumbledore, one of Greyback’s mutts comes in and pulls them back to Voldemort’s side.”

Lily winced at the mention of the werewolf that had turned Remus so many years ago. She couldn’t imagine how difficult for Remus it must be to have to face Greyback in such close quarters like the werewolf’s hideouts. “He’s still recruiting more? I would have thought after the death eaters destroyed that hideout in Manchester there would have been a lot more choosing to support Dumbledore.”

“We did too, but it seems the freedom Voldemort is offering is too good for them to pass up. Besides, support for Greyback goes back years, its too much of a risk for some to defy him. Can’t say I blame them, compared to how the Ministry treats werewolves now, Voldemort looks like a fairy godmother.”  

Lily eyed Remus face, tracing the pink scars that lay across his cheek. She’d heard Remus talk about the Ministry’s treatment of werewolves before, and she agreed with him, but she wasn’t expecting such a comparison to Voldemort. She briefly wondered if Remus ever felt persuaded by Voldemort’s promises, spending so much time amongst supporters of him. She pushed those thoughts down though, she trusted Remus and that type of thinking would only cause more unnecessary trouble. It was just her paranoid mind running wild.

There’s a brief pause as the shouts of Sirius, James and Harry could be heard through the window from outside. Remus smiled briefly.

“You should see them. I know they miss you.” Lily gestured with her head to where the boys were outside playing around in the sun.” Especially Harry, he loved the quidditch book you got him. He’s obsessed with the pictures in it.” Lily said watching as Remus returned back to his sombre demeanour. She understood his reservations about seeing his friends again.

 It had been almost a month since Remus had last spoken to any of the Marauders, as he tried to convince numerous werewolves to fight for Dumbledore. It had been even longer since he’d last spoken to Sirius. Neither of them would say exactly why they weren’t speaking to each other, but Lily suspected it had something to do with Remus continuous lengthy absences. They had all felt Remus absences keenly, but none more so than Sirius who was unsettled with the idea that Remus was continually rubbing shoulders with dozens of werewolves whose support for Voldemort had at times been the most vocal and violent. Lily and James had both admonished Sirius for voicing suspicions about his friend’s loyalty but once Dumbledore had aired his worries about a possible traitor, Lily was ashamed to admit she couldn’t help but feel sympathetic to Sirius views.

As she searched Remus face she was struck by how little she could ascertain from him. His stormy eyes were unreadable and whilst obviously tired his face was impassive.

He shook his head a little, wiping the moisture of his forehead. “I can’t stay for long, I just wanted to see how you were doing… after Marlene—” He cut himself off, seemingly unable to finishes his sentence. It had been a few weeks since Marlene McKinnon and her family had been brutally murdered. At Hogwarts they had all been a close-knit crowd, particularly in their final year and her death came as a ruthless reminder that no one was invincible.

Lily breathed in a shuddering breath. She had been doing a good job of trying to continue on with looking after Harry and completing Order work for Dumbledore, but the reality that she had lost her best friend was still sore. “Yeah, we had a memorial for her. Just a small thing.” Lily ran her finger over a dark splotch of wood on the table, focusing intently on its knobbly texture, so that she didn’t have to look at Remus. “We put a plaque up for them: Me, James, Sirius and Peter… Just can’t quite believe she gone.” Lily gave him a sad smile.

“She’s still here with us. Inside us.” At his words Lily looked up, into his eyes, which, for the first time since he’d arrived had warmed, making him look a little like the boy she had known at Hogwarts. “The ones we love don’t ever really leave us. Where ever Marlene is now she’s probably cursing us out for not using her death as an opportunity to drink a gallon of firewhiskey.” Lily couldn’t help but give a small smile at the memory of her friend, and her unhealthy love of the potent drink. Once again, she felt a pang of guilt for suspecting Remus of being a spy for Voldemort.

“I bet she’s fuming that we didn’t do a bar crawl around London in her honour.”

“When this is all over… perhaps.” The small smiles that had appeared on their faces slipped away. An ending of this war felt far away. Even the possibility of it ending seemed to be wishful thinking. But it was better than living as if they were already dead. You’d drive yourself mad that way. Yet it still felt strange to talk as if one day there would be a peace.

The two fell back into silence, only broken by the distant laughter of Harry as his father and godfather played with him in the garden.

Lily’s eyes were trained on Remus' face prompting him to look at her quizzically, a few strands of hair falling across his forehead. Lily felt a strange urge to confide in Remus. To tell him something she hadn’t dared spoken allowed yet.

“Remus, I need to tell you something… I… I think I might—” As Remus pushed his hair off his face Lily caught sight of a yellowing bandage crudely tied around his hand. “Remus, are you hurt? Let me take a look for you.” Lily made to reach across the table to grab his bandaged hand.

“No, no I’m quite alright, I’ve fixed it myself.” Quickly he shoved his hand deep into the pocket of his coat, out of Lily’s reach. “I had best be going, great to see you, send my love to Harry.” He stood up ignoring Lily’s spluttering reply and with another CRACK he had disappeared.

Lily was left alone in the kitchen, bewilderedly staring at the place where Remus had once stood. Once again, she couldn’t help the feeling of dread that welled up in her stomach.

What was going on with Remus?

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not be a sequel to a fic that takes place in their final year or so at Hogwarts and/or other possible one-shots. No hopes up though please because I'm trash and writing is hard. 
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!!
> 
> x


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